BACKGROUND:
Morning-room in Algernon’s flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is
luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard
in the adjoining room.

[Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has
ceased, Algernon enters.]

ALGERNON:
Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?

LANE:
I didn’t think it polite to listen, sir.

ALGERNON:
I’m sorry for that, for your sake. I don’t play accurately—any one can
play accurately—but I play with wonderful expression. As far as the
piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life.

LANE: Yes, sir.

ALGERNON:
And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber
sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell?

LANE: Yes, sir. [Hands them on a salver.]

ALGERNON:
[Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa.] Oh! . . . by the
way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, when Lord
Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of
champagne are entered as having been consumed.

LANE: Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint.
